Summer Recap

It's summeeeeeeer !
Who am I kidding, it's always summer in Malaysia but the mid semester holidays are just days away and everyone is in too much of a holiday mood to study. The mid term examinations has just ended and teachers are just as laid back as we are.
So many things have come and gone, I don't know where to begin.
When I read back my previous blog posts, I realise how fast time has passed without me realising it. Everything has ended and my hectic lifestyle of being constantly drained and fighting to stay commited has deflated to a boring life of classrooms again.

My last year of Public Speaking ended with great achievement, I have to say. Although I didn't win a placing this year as I did the last, I did something I never thought I could ever do. I did my impromptu speech without a single reference paper and if you haven't tried school level public speaking in your life and don't have a clue how it works, you basically get quarantined in a room. There will be a piece of A4 paper on the table, a pencil and a small piece of parchment writing the topic. Most of the time, they will only give you a one word topic but this year, they actually gave us a saying.

"Laughter is the best medicine"

However, that wasn't the only difference this year. From my past experiences, they usually separate the contestants when he/she is going to start her 4 minutes of impromptu idea generating time. This year however, they decided to just keep everyone in one room and very very unfortunately, I was the first in line. So I was the only one sitting at the teacher's table, trying so hard to concentrate on the topic in front of me (in the short 4 minutes) while ignoring the fourteen pairs of eyes staring at me like I'm a really juicy piece of meat. Basically, they were trying to read every single part of me, trying to get a hint of the topic before it's their turn to read it.

But I did, I went out there, got on stage and spoke without a paper. If you ask me now what I said, I can honestly reply, I have no idea. That's the thing about impromptu, you just go on stage and start speaking whatever you can think of. The only advice I can give is, don't ever stop. Truthfully, I couldn't be more proud of myself even if I didn't win. It takes a lot of courage to stand on stage, and more courage to refuse aid.

There was no rest for the following day because it's rush, rush, rush to the drama competition at SMK Subang Utama! I saw so any amazing talents there, it kind of makes me feel slightly inferior especially I watched the girl who won best actress. She was the most annoying girl you can imagine, and you practically want to jump to your feet and slap her when she's acting but that's why she won. The amazing thing was, we won fourth place ! It's amazing because it's the first time our school has ever joined this competition (compared to other schools who are veterans) and my kids don't have a single clue of acting until they joined.
Just take a look at the pathetic window and you would know, we aren't experts in this drama business but we did our best. We worked extra hard to catch up with the rest and the actor and actresses had to do their part in props as well. The only people we could rely on were the trainee teachers and they tried to best to beat us into shape.
We start with awkward smiles, shuffling and ended with a bang. Looking back, I can't believe how much we have changed. From the soft voices and bad body language to loud slaps and angry tears, we really improved by a mile.
We are still far from perfect, but as I always said, what matters most is the process. I gained a new family from this, a family I spent almost two months practicing with daily. They treat like their mum and expect me to do their paperwork for them but in return, they listen well. All in all, they are good kids. Dramatic, and dumb at times, but good.

To say goodbye to the practical teachers was harder than I thought. For two months, I see them daily, watched them learn how to deal with the kids, and sometimes see the kids in them. They aren't very much older than us so most of the time, it's just like being with friends.
When you see someone daily and suddenly it's time to say goodbye, that shit ain't easy man. It doesn't help that I'm good in goodbyes.
Organising this farewell party wasn't easy, it took lots of badgering the kids and effort in preparing the simple letter from all of them but the effect was worth it. There wasn't really much of a plan, and I improvised along the way but it went as perfectly as it could have.
Laughs, tears, water balloons, a mountain of junk food and karaoke sessions.
Thinking back, what would it be like now if I had gave up then?
I did seriously consider just pulling out of drama since I was overload with responsibilities then, with the malay debate, english debate, commander for marching and public speaking, not to mention, English Society. It was a lot to juggle and I was afraid of biting off more than I can chew.
But I decided to just let it flow, and let time take its place. I am a strong believer of faith and fate. If I was not meant to have it, I wouldn't. And I was right, things happened, fell into place perfectly and now, everything has come to an end.
My tears are pretty exclusive, and it exclusively went to all of you that day. Be honoured.

During Labour's Day, we took the opportunity of the long holidays and flew to Langkawi Island for a well-deserved holiday, I admit, I was not the happiest person during the entire trip. People think when teenagers are unhappy, it's teenage love or that sort of bullshit and they push it off to blaming immature teenage hormones. This typical thinking is why many people prefer to just keep things to themselves, because when they decide to let it out, it's seen as insignificant and somewhat, childish. Teenage love. How I wish it was something as simple as that but it isn't. Things happen and people change. You trusted them so deeply even if they never gave you a proper reason to but they do exactly the things that could break your heart. Even when you piece your heart back together, nothing will be the same again. You can never look at that person in the same way, trust the same way and love the same way again.
It's sad how people tend to hurt the ones they love most, whether intentional or the latter.

The road ahead is cloudy, but time heals everything, it always does.
The hardest part of recovering is when you are not so sure whether you want to recover. You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
You think you can never face them the same way again, but you can. You always do. At some point, it's just too tiring to keep being angry. At some point, you just want everything to go back to how it was.
Even if that means lying to yourself, at least it's a blissful lie.
The thing you need to know about life is,

It goes on.

Time Capsule

This isn't going to be a very long blog post because I attempt not to dwell too much on possibilities.

and when life gets tough and everyone becomes a jackass, this quote automatically springs up in my mind.

This time, next week, everything is going to be different.
All the training and hard work will be put to the test next Wednesday where the drama kids (and drama practical teachers) are going to join the first ever drama competition for SMKAM(2).
Honestly, sometimes I'm not sure whether we are doing well or not. Whether we have worked hard enough to beat the rest.
But as I have always said, winning or losing doesn't matter. Of course, winning feels good, it's like a bonus, like having a cherry on the cake. But even if you lose, you still have the cake ! It's the process that matters. I've tried countless of times to explain this to others but they don't understand it the way I do.

The thing is, you grow from experiences. And even if you lose, no one can take that experience from you. I know this because, now, when I look back at myself when I first entered secondary school, I realised how much I have grown from this experiences.
I would bet you a million ringgit the me then, would never ever dream of acting in front of a crowd.
I would probably had fainted on stage.

A day before the drama competition is the zone level public speaking. I don't know what to expect for this year and I don't want to make any promises to anyone. I will try my best and if it's meant to be, it will be.

There's pressure of course, and plenty of criticism and disapproval from so many different parties. But it's alright, because they don't know the things you have been through and the things you understand. What you do for yourself, you get for yourself. You don't have to worry about others understanding you because everyone just thinks what they want to think anyway.
And if you're going to sulk in the corner just because someone said you can't then it's really your problem with your mentality.
I think we all have a choice .
You can either keep feeling sorry for yourself,
or,
you can go out and conquer the world.
You decide.

nothing worth having comes rolling

It's hard to believe that my last post was wishing for a good new year and now, we're almost gonna be halfway though March.
I hardly remember what happened in January and February and all of a sudden, it's March.
School was postponed for one week because of the floods in the other states, and I remember feeling so sad because school started.
When I was younger, the first day of school was always exciting with the new bag, new shoes and new pencil box to show off to your buddies.
but not this year, obviously.
The first month of school was kind of wonderful now that I think back. There was no staybacks, no responsibilities and stuff. So much free time and I actually went back on time everyday.
And then February came, and the responsibilities came along.
Becoming the President of English Society and Malaysian Red Crescent Society was amazing but it comes at a price.
What I remember about February was staying back daily until 5:30 pm because of various extra-cocuriculum activities.
I became the commander for the senior platoon of the Red Crescent Society and our competition was due on early March.
There was one new thing I tried this year, which was the Malay debate , or most known as Pertandingan Bahas.

To be honest, I didn't volunteer for it and I was asked by the teacher to join but so far, I'm not regretting it.
It wasn't easy, balancing all activities especially when I only have limited time after school to get to work. I remember wishing so hard that we had 48 hours a day instead of 24 because I found myself running out of time .
I wanted to do so much more all the time but I was out of time.
We competed against SMK USJ 4 for the first round and omg, we won.
Although we lost in the semifinals to SAMBEST, it was an experience that money can't buy.
Bahas isn't easy at all. It's even harder than debate because I'm not exactly as fluent in Malay as I'm in English. I speak Malay well but only the slangs, not the proper terms and in the malay debat, I had to speak in 'bahasa baku' which means 'saya' (normally pronounced sa-ye in normal conversations) have to be pronounced 'sa-ya' just like the spelling.
Hella weird if you ask me but it does make you sound extra professional.
Needless to say, I feel like everyone stared at me because I was the only chinese participant there. Not to mention, the only female third minister.
But I feel like I did myself proud and the judge even praised my fluency (which practically made everything worth it).
One week after the Bahas Competition was the marching competition and for the last week, honestly I pushed my platoon so hard, I felt like collapsing too.
I still remember the burning sun and the black spots after I got into the shade, and I'm sure my platoon did too.
Even on the day of the competition, I was a little more touchy than usual because I was running around helping the kids to complete their uniform.
Thankfully, they did so well and I'm so proud of them.
After our turn, we gathered at the court and omg, I can't express the relief I felt.
I was basically high because I was laughing non-stop like a five-year-old.
Another burden lifted off my shoulder.

Only those involved in marching will truly know how it feels to complete marching.

The process of marching is hard, strict and terrible but when you completed it, you just feel so accomplished.

And when they announced that our platoon got third place out of the GO and NGO platoons, we were practically screaming like mad felines ( well I was) . It was the first time (since my form 1 and before) that BSMM had won top three in the competition.

It was just gold to me because my platoon created a new history.

The laughter, hugs and cheering, I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Currently, I'm busy with drama practice since the competition is in April. Thankfully, the competition does not clash with public speaking which lands a day after the drama competition.

I can feel more memories are meant to be made before I end my last year of school.

Yes, some people may feel that I'm wasting my time.

I should be concentrating on my studies only.

but these sort of experiences is the only thing I can bring with me when I leave school to apply in the real world. Venturing out and meeting new people has taught me more than my classes and textbooks ever had.

Leadership skills, confidence and perserverance.

You grow and you learn from your experiences.

and I learnt that when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long.

because, nothing worth having comes rolling.

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015 !

It's almost impossible to believe that 2014 has officially ended and the book is now closed.
A new book has opened and there are 365 pages to be filled.
Looking back, 2014 was really an amazing, breakthrough year for me.
Many amazing things happened to me in 2014 and I actually had gained more courage and confidence through it.
For example, I finally had the courage to stand up stage alone and do public speaking although I was terrified of stuttering and the stares.
However, I plucked up the courage and became a champion.
Not to mention, I joined the Sunburst Youth Camp and became part of the SYC family that can never be forgotten.
Although yes, there are dark moments last year especially when my Bell passed away but everyone dies. What matters is she lived a great, long life before.

To commemorate the last day of 2014, I went out with my Malaysian SYC crew !

We went for bowling and I officially conclude that I'm a pretty bad bowler.

but considering it was my first time bowling, I think I improved vastly.

At least I didn't keep washing the drains for the rest !

Not just in Orchard Road do we shamelessly take selfies, we do it in Malaysia too !
btw, that's not my snapback but the guys' lol

I hope 2015 is going to be even more awesome than 2014 has been !

Thanks to everyone who has stayed, and to those who had silently left, thanks for being here once and I wish you good luck.

Remember, not everyone thinks the same way you do and would do the things you would do for them.

Bear this in mind and there will no longer be disappointments !

Happy New Year everyone !