It's summeeeeeeer !
Who am I kidding, it's always summer in Malaysia but the mid semester holidays are just days away and everyone is in too much of a holiday mood to study. The mid term examinations has just ended and teachers are just as laid back as we are.
So many things have come and gone, I don't know where to begin.
When I read back my previous blog posts, I realise how fast time has passed without me realising it. Everything has ended and my hectic lifestyle of being constantly drained and fighting to stay commited has deflated to a boring life of classrooms again.
My last year of Public Speaking ended with great achievement, I have to say. Although I didn't win a placing this year as I did the last, I did something I never thought I could ever do. I did my impromptu speech without a single reference paper and if you haven't tried school level public speaking in your life and don't have a clue how it works, you basically get quarantined in a room. There will be a piece of A4 paper on the table, a pencil and a small piece of parchment writing the topic. Most of the time, they will only give you a one word topic but this year, they actually gave us a saying.
"Laughter is the best medicine"
However, that wasn't the only difference this year. From my past experiences, they usually separate the contestants when he/she is going to start her 4 minutes of impromptu idea generating time. This year however, they decided to just keep everyone in one room and very very unfortunately, I was the first in line. So I was the only one sitting at the teacher's table, trying so hard to concentrate on the topic in front of me (in the short 4 minutes) while ignoring the fourteen pairs of eyes staring at me like I'm a really juicy piece of meat. Basically, they were trying to read every single part of me, trying to get a hint of the topic before it's their turn to read it.
But I did, I went out there, got on stage and spoke without a paper. If you ask me now what I said, I can honestly reply, I have no idea. That's the thing about impromptu, you just go on stage and start speaking whatever you can think of. The only advice I can give is, don't ever stop. Truthfully, I couldn't be more proud of myself even if I didn't win. It takes a lot of courage to stand on stage, and more courage to refuse aid.
There was no rest for the following day because it's rush, rush, rush to the drama competition at SMK Subang Utama! I saw so any amazing talents there, it kind of makes me feel slightly inferior especially I watched the girl who won best actress. She was the most annoying girl you can imagine, and you practically want to jump to your feet and slap her when she's acting but that's why she won. The amazing thing was, we won fourth place ! It's amazing because it's the first time our school has ever joined this competition (compared to other schools who are veterans) and my kids don't have a single clue of acting until they joined.
Just take a look at the pathetic window and you would know, we aren't experts in this drama business but we did our best. We worked extra hard to catch up with the rest and the actor and actresses had to do their part in props as well. The only people we could rely on were the trainee teachers and they tried to best to beat us into shape.
We start with awkward smiles, shuffling and ended with a bang. Looking back, I can't believe how much we have changed. From the soft voices and bad body language to loud slaps and angry tears, we really improved by a mile.
We are still far from perfect, but as I always said, what matters most is the process. I gained a new family from this, a family I spent almost two months practicing with daily. They treat like their mum and expect me to do their paperwork for them but in return, they listen well. All in all, they are good kids. Dramatic, and dumb at times, but good.
To say goodbye to the practical teachers was harder than I thought. For two months, I see them daily, watched them learn how to deal with the kids, and sometimes see the kids in them. They aren't very much older than us so most of the time, it's just like being with friends.
When you see someone daily and suddenly it's time to say goodbye, that shit ain't easy man. It doesn't help that I'm good in goodbyes.
Organising this farewell party wasn't easy, it took lots of badgering the kids and effort in preparing the simple letter from all of them but the effect was worth it. There wasn't really much of a plan, and I improvised along the way but it went as perfectly as it could have.
Laughs, tears, water balloons, a mountain of junk food and karaoke sessions.
Thinking back, what would it be like now if I had gave up then?
I did seriously consider just pulling out of drama since I was overload with responsibilities then, with the malay debate, english debate, commander for marching and public speaking, not to mention, English Society. It was a lot to juggle and I was afraid of biting off more than I can chew.
But I decided to just let it flow, and let time take its place. I am a strong believer of faith and fate. If I was not meant to have it, I wouldn't. And I was right, things happened, fell into place perfectly and now, everything has come to an end.
My tears are pretty exclusive, and it exclusively went to all of you that day. Be honoured.
During Labour's Day, we took the opportunity of the long holidays and flew to Langkawi Island for a well-deserved holiday, I admit, I was not the happiest person during the entire trip. People think when teenagers are unhappy, it's teenage love or that sort of bullshit and they push it off to blaming immature teenage hormones. This typical thinking is why many people prefer to just keep things to themselves, because when they decide to let it out, it's seen as insignificant and somewhat, childish. Teenage love. How I wish it was something as simple as that but it isn't. Things happen and people change. You trusted them so deeply even if they never gave you a proper reason to but they do exactly the things that could break your heart. Even when you piece your heart back together, nothing will be the same again. You can never look at that person in the same way, trust the same way and love the same way again.
It's sad how people tend to hurt the ones they love most, whether intentional or the latter.
The road ahead is cloudy, but time heals everything, it always does.
The hardest part of recovering is when you are not so sure whether you want to recover. You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
You think you can never face them the same way again, but you can. You always do. At some point, it's just too tiring to keep being angry. At some point, you just want everything to go back to how it was.
Even if that means lying to yourself, at least it's a blissful lie.
The thing you need to know about life is,
It goes on.
