Time Capsule

This isn't going to be a very long blog post because I attempt not to dwell too much on possibilities.

and when life gets tough and everyone becomes a jackass, this quote automatically springs up in my mind.

This time, next week, everything is going to be different.
All the training and hard work will be put to the test next Wednesday where the drama kids (and drama practical teachers) are going to join the first ever drama competition for SMKAM(2).
Honestly, sometimes I'm not sure whether we are doing well or not. Whether we have worked hard enough to beat the rest.
But as I have always said, winning or losing doesn't matter. Of course, winning feels good, it's like a bonus, like having a cherry on the cake. But even if you lose, you still have the cake ! It's the process that matters. I've tried countless of times to explain this to others but they don't understand it the way I do.

The thing is, you grow from experiences. And even if you lose, no one can take that experience from you. I know this because, now, when I look back at myself when I first entered secondary school, I realised how much I have grown from this experiences.
I would bet you a million ringgit the me then, would never ever dream of acting in front of a crowd.
I would probably had fainted on stage.

A day before the drama competition is the zone level public speaking. I don't know what to expect for this year and I don't want to make any promises to anyone. I will try my best and if it's meant to be, it will be.

There's pressure of course, and plenty of criticism and disapproval from so many different parties. But it's alright, because they don't know the things you have been through and the things you understand. What you do for yourself, you get for yourself. You don't have to worry about others understanding you because everyone just thinks what they want to think anyway.
And if you're going to sulk in the corner just because someone said you can't then it's really your problem with your mentality.
I think we all have a choice .
You can either keep feeling sorry for yourself,
or,
you can go out and conquer the world.
You decide.

nothing worth having comes rolling

It's hard to believe that my last post was wishing for a good new year and now, we're almost gonna be halfway though March.
I hardly remember what happened in January and February and all of a sudden, it's March.
School was postponed for one week because of the floods in the other states, and I remember feeling so sad because school started.
When I was younger, the first day of school was always exciting with the new bag, new shoes and new pencil box to show off to your buddies.
but not this year, obviously.
The first month of school was kind of wonderful now that I think back. There was no staybacks, no responsibilities and stuff. So much free time and I actually went back on time everyday.
And then February came, and the responsibilities came along.
Becoming the President of English Society and Malaysian Red Crescent Society was amazing but it comes at a price.
What I remember about February was staying back daily until 5:30 pm because of various extra-cocuriculum activities.
I became the commander for the senior platoon of the Red Crescent Society and our competition was due on early March.
There was one new thing I tried this year, which was the Malay debate , or most known as Pertandingan Bahas.

To be honest, I didn't volunteer for it and I was asked by the teacher to join but so far, I'm not regretting it.
It wasn't easy, balancing all activities especially when I only have limited time after school to get to work. I remember wishing so hard that we had 48 hours a day instead of 24 because I found myself running out of time .
I wanted to do so much more all the time but I was out of time.
We competed against SMK USJ 4 for the first round and omg, we won.
Although we lost in the semifinals to SAMBEST, it was an experience that money can't buy.
Bahas isn't easy at all. It's even harder than debate because I'm not exactly as fluent in Malay as I'm in English. I speak Malay well but only the slangs, not the proper terms and in the malay debat, I had to speak in 'bahasa baku' which means 'saya' (normally pronounced sa-ye in normal conversations) have to be pronounced 'sa-ya' just like the spelling.
Hella weird if you ask me but it does make you sound extra professional.
Needless to say, I feel like everyone stared at me because I was the only chinese participant there. Not to mention, the only female third minister.
But I feel like I did myself proud and the judge even praised my fluency (which practically made everything worth it).
One week after the Bahas Competition was the marching competition and for the last week, honestly I pushed my platoon so hard, I felt like collapsing too.
I still remember the burning sun and the black spots after I got into the shade, and I'm sure my platoon did too.
Even on the day of the competition, I was a little more touchy than usual because I was running around helping the kids to complete their uniform.
Thankfully, they did so well and I'm so proud of them.
After our turn, we gathered at the court and omg, I can't express the relief I felt.
I was basically high because I was laughing non-stop like a five-year-old.
Another burden lifted off my shoulder.

Only those involved in marching will truly know how it feels to complete marching.

The process of marching is hard, strict and terrible but when you completed it, you just feel so accomplished.

And when they announced that our platoon got third place out of the GO and NGO platoons, we were practically screaming like mad felines ( well I was) . It was the first time (since my form 1 and before) that BSMM had won top three in the competition.

It was just gold to me because my platoon created a new history.

The laughter, hugs and cheering, I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Currently, I'm busy with drama practice since the competition is in April. Thankfully, the competition does not clash with public speaking which lands a day after the drama competition.

I can feel more memories are meant to be made before I end my last year of school.

Yes, some people may feel that I'm wasting my time.

I should be concentrating on my studies only.

but these sort of experiences is the only thing I can bring with me when I leave school to apply in the real world. Venturing out and meeting new people has taught me more than my classes and textbooks ever had.

Leadership skills, confidence and perserverance.

You grow and you learn from your experiences.

and I learnt that when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long.

because, nothing worth having comes rolling.

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015 !

It's almost impossible to believe that 2014 has officially ended and the book is now closed.
A new book has opened and there are 365 pages to be filled.
Looking back, 2014 was really an amazing, breakthrough year for me.
Many amazing things happened to me in 2014 and I actually had gained more courage and confidence through it.
For example, I finally had the courage to stand up stage alone and do public speaking although I was terrified of stuttering and the stares.
However, I plucked up the courage and became a champion.
Not to mention, I joined the Sunburst Youth Camp and became part of the SYC family that can never be forgotten.
Although yes, there are dark moments last year especially when my Bell passed away but everyone dies. What matters is she lived a great, long life before.

To commemorate the last day of 2014, I went out with my Malaysian SYC crew !

We went for bowling and I officially conclude that I'm a pretty bad bowler.

but considering it was my first time bowling, I think I improved vastly.

At least I didn't keep washing the drains for the rest !

Not just in Orchard Road do we shamelessly take selfies, we do it in Malaysia too !
btw, that's not my snapback but the guys' lol

I hope 2015 is going to be even more awesome than 2014 has been !

Thanks to everyone who has stayed, and to those who had silently left, thanks for being here once and I wish you good luck.

Remember, not everyone thinks the same way you do and would do the things you would do for them.

Bear this in mind and there will no longer be disappointments !

Happy New Year everyone !

Until The Next Time We Meet

My beautiful Bell, always staying strong.

I thought a long time on how to do this blog post.

Four days later and I still have no idea.

I'm sad to announce that my Bell has passed away on the 21st of December, four days before Christmas.

We came home from our grandma's place and there she was, hard and cold in her house.

Bell never had an easy life, she was always sick with some way or another.

She had a lifelong skin disease accompanied by problems with her reproductive system requiring surgery, maggots and finally, cancer.

Among all my dogs, she had the most frequent visit to the veterinary clinic until all the workers there know her by name.

However, she always stayed strong and passed through every single challenge like a champion.

Bell with Able when we were moving things into the car because we were moving houses.

The dogs seem to know we were moving and instantly jumped onto the car as if they were afraid that they would be left behind.

How could we leave these cuties behind?

There were a few times before this when I was convinced I was going to wake up and she would be dead.

Especially when she had to cut out the tumor in her mouth for the first time, that was when I thought she was going to die.

I even thought sometimes, how would I write a long eulogy to honor her.

However, each time she triumphs over her sickness and emerges as a healthy, happy dog again before of course, another round of disease attacks.

Bell when she was still in her young and healthy days (look at her beautiful fur!)

She would still fight over a cloth with Marley.

and look at Marley's now non-existant waistline !

There is no way to escape death.

She escaped death a few times but finally this time, it was time for her to leave.

She had to leave for good because she was in a lot of pain although she could not say anything to voice out her discomfort.

Even humans suffer severe pains during the last stage of cancer, what about dogs?

During the last of her days, she barely ate and only live on a bowl of milk daily (which she refuses to  drink sometimes due to her mouth cancer).

When it was very close to the end, she couldn't walk anymore.

So, it's for the better for her to leave.

Only by looking at this picture carefully did I realise how much Bell has aged throughout the years without me realising.

How beautiful her coat of fur used to be and how lively her expression was.

Those were the glorious days of her life when she could run around whenever she liked and bark at cats.

I will always remember her as a strong, passionate dog.

She was always the smartest dog of the family (tho there wasn't much of a competition with Marls and Able). When we used to live in our old house, she would allow people to look and admire the flowers outside our house but once anyone touches the flowers, she would start barking like mad.

That's how smart she was.

She knows how to open the cage door with her snout and she remains to be the only dog who can do so in my household.

She would bark at me if I was too slow to serve her dinner because she knew her position as the queen of the dogs.

She was just such a wonderful dog and companion to have and I'm so thankful to have had her by my side as I grew up.

She came into my life when I was barely six and now I'm going on to seventeen soon.

She watched me grow up and gave us all a sense of security just by being herself.

A picture of Bell on my bedside table.

I will always miss her even if years have passed.

But I believe we will meet again someday, somehow.

Until then, I hope she's happy chasing cats in heaven.